So I guess newspapers still exist and with them “newspaper columnists.” Columnists are like trolls, but born ten years too early to figure out how to install Wordpress.
Brian McGrory, a columnist of the Boston Globe, just penned a fun rant where he suggests that Boston ban bicycles because they interfere with the enjoyment of his Filet-O-Fish sandwich. You should read the whole thing, there aren’t any big words. I’ll wait.
Okay, back? That column was of the “I’m just kidding (I’m totally not kidding)” model, a passive-aggressive style of trolling that enables the author to be a dick without being called on it. Like obnoxious children, the rule of thumb for trolls is to ignore them, but I just returned from a stint in Boston so I feel obliged to retort.
The bulk of his rant is about a perceived cyclist “sense of superiority.” I’ve never understood anyone who perceives others they’ve never met as “smug.” Folks who assume that, say, those wealthier then them have a “sense of superiority” are invariably wrong; they’re not even on the radar of the wealthy. Anyway, I assume he doesn’t actually know or speak to many cyclists, but let’s just play along and agree that cyclists think they’re better and examine why:
When you go to work, you spend money to get there. When I go, it’s free.
When I get on my bike, I have fun getting where I’m going. Judging from the behavior of Boston motorists, you’d be having more fun getting waterboarded.
Every time I go someplace, I get stronger and healthier. Every time you go somewhere, you get lazier and fatter.
I dunno. On paper it looks like we are superior. But who are the cyclists that are mocking and demeaning you, Brian? (Can I call you Brian?) Don’t most just mind their own business? Is it possible that you’re imagining this because your mind is suspicious of the way you’ve chosen to live?
McGrory spends two sentences on his only legitimate point, that many cyclists break traffic laws and behave recklessly. These sorts of cyclists should rightly be admonished. But.
I just moved from Boston to New York City. The cyclists in NYC are the most reckless, crazy and irresponsible riders I’ve ever seen. Out here, blazing through red lights and oncoming traffic is the rule, not the exception. Compared to New York riders, Boston cyclists are the very picture of responsibility. That is a 100% qualified opinion.
And yet. In Boston, drivers would slow down, roll their window, and scream that I was a “fucking fairy” for being on the road. One person shouted that he would be beating the everlasting shit out of me if there weren’t a cop only a few feet away. I wasn’t breaking any laws, apparently I just… made them feel inferior?
I’ve never once seen a New Yorker behave like that, and in only two months I’ve witnessed hundreds more encounters that would be deserving of such rage.
So why do you feel inferior to cyclists, Brian? Is it because we actually are better? Or is it because you’re steeped in a culture of belligerent, angry, greasy filet-o-fish-eating fucks?
